[Day 3 Opplot Ends]

[1st_class_zack]

He was spiraling out of control. He had been for the past two days, but the spiral had started going faster and faster downward. He felt himself being pulled in all directions. One moment, he wanted to show Zell who was the better of the two. A final showdown and this time he wouldn't hold back. In the next moment, he was stung by her words. Too deeply wounded to move. And the next moment, that despair was compounded by the Buster sword's legacy. The legacy he'd left in Midgar. All of those people, Angeal, Cloud, Hollander, even Aeris.

'You're a disgrace to SOLDIER,' Angeal's words rang in his head.

'What happened to dreams and honor?' His own voice replied.

'Why did you kill the townspeople? Answer me! Sephiroth!' He'd begged Sephiroth for an answer.

'DEFEND YOURSELF' Angeal had challenged him, daring Zack to kill him.

'I'll remain loyal to SOLDIER. For now,' Sephiroth had warned darkly.

'You are just a shallow illusion,' she'd told him two days ago.

"Am I?" he questioned aloud. He clenched his fist. No. He knew what he was. He was no longer SOLDIER. He was ready to make his choice. He put one foot in front of the other. His determination was unwavering now. Even as the voices continued talking in his head, they had reached an agreement.

As he passed the rec room, he glanced in. The jukebox greeted him as usual, springing to life and playing the end* [from 2:50] of a song. He nodded in agreement and continued on his mission.

He practically ran down the stairs and hurried as fast as he could to the clothes box. It was already past dinner time and would soon be dark. He hoped he'd meet no one on his way and he didn't.

"I've made up my mind," he told it. "I know what I am." He reached out to open the box, but hesitated a moment, fearing it wouldn't ask him the question again. Finally he gathered his confidence again and opened it. The wings were back. Black and white. Two pairs. It had even provided a black leather trench coat.

For a brief a moment, he considered changing his mind. The moment passed as quickly as it had come. Taking off his shoulder armor and then the sleeveless turtle neck of his SOLDIER uniform, he put on the angel wings. It was dramatic and perhaps a bit ridiculous, but he didn't care. He'd wanted those wings and they were his now. Taking the Buster sword, he pierced the trench so the wings could pass through. Carefully yet awkwardly, he managed to get the coat over the wings. Black wings. Lastly he added his shoulder armor. It wasn't an exact copy*, but the effect was the same.

Forget dreams and honor. He was a monster. He created only death and destruction. He laughed derisively at thought of the death and destruction he'd created. "Even my own death."

No smile, though, was on his face. Just an angry scowl. The irony hadn't escaped him. 'To prepare you for your next fight,' Angeal's words echoed again in his mind, spurring him on. He had to do this while he could. Tabula Rasa couldn't become a Second Nibelheim. It was a blank slate, a new start. One he didn't deserve.

As he left the compound, the jukebox started up again. This time the chorus of a song* [minus the Crisis Core comments]. He just shook his head and waved his hand in the direction of the song without looking.

***

Under the cover of dusk, Zack had found a remote and sturdy looking tree. Angeal's voice competed with Sephiroth's and Aeris' voices while his own past speeches all echoed in his head and spurred him forward.

Somehow he'd found some rope. Perhaps it had been in the trench coat, or maybe he'd found it somewhere else. He couldn't quite remember how he'd gotten, but it was fortuitous because he needed it. Looking up at the tree, he found an appropriately sturdy looking branch and an incline. He threw the rope up and tied it off. A noose had already been fashioned.

It was as though he were in a dream or a memory. He didn't feel like he had control of his own body. It was doing things on its own. Though this wasn't heroic, his dream of being a hero had been misguided at best. Heroes, however, weren't the only ones who always died tragically. Sometimes the monster did as well. Closing his eyes, he jumped from the incline...

Unfortunately, dusk might have been the best time for the task Zack had in mind, but it wasn't the best light for judging the sturdiness of the tree. When he jumped, the rope went taunt for a brief moment before the branch simply snapped off. It had obvious damage from rot and decay. Zack landed and slid across the ground with his momentum. The branch followed after him, crashing onto his shoulder armor, his back and the black wing on his right shoulder, breaking it off of the harness entirely.

Zack lay where he'd landed. The physical pain would ease, but he wasn't even competent enough to kill himself.

[ooc external links]

Comments

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"Zack!?" Roxas asked, astonished when he saw his friend sprawled out on the ground and in different clothes. He'd started taking wardrobe changes as a plain old bad sign, never mind that he had finally gotten something that wasn't black. Instead he wore a pair of blue jeans that were a few sizes too big and baggy and a baggy navy t-shirt.

Seeing the noose around his neck, Roxas' already fragile heart plummeted. "Why?" he asked, his voice small, as he dropped to his knees by Zack, his hands going to take the noose off without so much as thinking to ask permission. "Why are you doing this!?"

Why was any of this happening?

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

'Great!' he thought. He'd had an audience to the terrible spectacle that was Zack Fair, the complete and utter failure. He didn't even want to look at the kid. He wanted to curl up and die. And since that obviously wasn't going to happen, he just wanted to cry.

"I'm a monster, Roxas. It's for the best." His voice was shaky and threatened to break.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"Stop it!" Roxas shouted. "You are not! Not! Not! NOT!" Why was this happening, he thought again. His hands left the noose and he crouched above Zack to look him in the eye. His own, wide and so lost, had tears in them.

"You're not!" he repeated, his voice unsteady. "I don't want you to...to...go." Roxas just couldn't say the word 'die' right now.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Zack had loosened the noose, but not removed it. When he heard Roxas move closer, he wanted to recoil further. Retreat or run away, but curiosity compelled him to look.

'It's yours now,' his words echoed back to him.

"Cloud?" He was stunned to silence for a moment as his eyes tried to focus in the quickly failing light. "No, you're not... I have to..."

He fumbled with the noose and tried to sit up or scoot away, but his body had taken enough punishment for the day and gave out, forcing him to the slump to the ground.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"No," Roxas said, a little more strength in his voice. "I'm Roxas." He leaned forward and finished taking the noose off and then held out a hand. "I'll help you up, if you want?"

He wished Cloud, stranger that he was to Roxas, was here. It seemed like he would be the one who would understand this, know better what had to be done. "Zack. It's okay."

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

That was right. This was Roxas. Cloud was gone.

'You are just a shallow illusion,' Aeris had told him. Maybe it was true. Roxas looked like an illusion of Cloud and Zack was the illusion of Sephiroth and Angeal. He closed his eyes. Angeal's voice demanded action. His failure was so fresh. There was perhaps one other option.

He'd need a moment to recover. His head was pounding even worse than it had been.

"Yeah," he said in response to Roxas, sounding more hopeful than seemed appropriate for someone in his current position.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"How's about you get up," Roxas suggested, letting a little more hope creep into his voice. Maybe Zack was coming back to his usual self. "And we can go to the hut and play with Strife and forget about this, okay?" Please?

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Strife. Why had he named the dog that? At least 'puppy' hadn't been another reminder of his failures.

He sighed and willed his body to get up. His neck was sore. He would probably have a rope burn or a bruise or both for several days. Of course, he wasn't thinking that far into the future. He had another mission to complete. The only mission SOLDIER were qualified to do.

It was obvious that Roxas was going to bare his path. Perhaps he was reminding Zack of Cloud now so Zack could try to correct the mistake he'd made in the past. He would make sure Roxas didn't live out both their lives, make sure Roxas didn't want to remember anything about Zack except that he was monster.

"I can't go back to the hut," he said quietly, opening his eyes again. He wasn't sure he could get up, much less walk to the hut, but he needed to get up and walk much further than the hut.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"Why not?" Roxas asked. "You're hurt and you need to rest!" He grabbed Zack's hand and tugged. "Come on, I'll help you walk."

"You're hurt," he repeated, futilely. "We'll take you back and you can rest and I'll go to the clinic and get some stuff for your neck. Sound good?"

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"No." He didn't want to move, but that didn't matter to him or to Roxas. He stood up to stop the tugging at his hand and immediately knew it had been a bad decision. He braced himself against a tree. The same tree that had betrayed him by being decayed and rotten. He didn't want Roxas' help, but he was in no position to object.

He'd allow himself just one more moment to rest. He was upright now so that was a start in the right direction.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"Why not?" Roxas asked. He stood, brushing dirt off his knees. He was at a total loss as to what to do, but he knew Zack needed to get home.

"Please?" his voice was small, smaller than he would ever admit. "I want to go home."

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"You can go home," he said flatly. "I can't go back there. I can't just go back to sleep."

That was all the rest he was going to get. He pushed himself away from the tree and started trudging in the opposite direction of the hut. One of the benefits of being a backwater native was that he could navigate the island even in the dark.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Roxas stood there mutely for a long second before he shook his head, not saying anything, simply following behind Zack like a small, unhappy shadow.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Zack knew exactly where he needed to go. If he was completely incapable of doing the deed himself, he knew where he could find creatures that weren't so incompetent. He walked slowly for a bit and soon found his strength returning. He wasn't back to one hundred percent, but he could manage a jog. It was still a long ways before he'd reached a part of dinosaur territory that didn't put him a little too close to someone else's hut or treehouse.

He knew Roxas was following him, but he didn't care. The kid wouldn't be able to stop a hungry dinosaur.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Where was this place? Roxas glanced around with trepidation. He didn't recognize this part of the island and the sounds from further off were frightening.

"Zack!" Roxas cried out. "Where is this? What are you doing here!?"

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Zack looked over his shoulder. They'd been walking and jogging through the jungle for a while. Hours. Normally he would have shushed anyone who spoke where they were now. Talking in dinosaur territory only drew them out, but tonight drawing them out was the idea.

"I'M ENDING THIS!" he yelled back as he pressed forward. This was a good place for his last stand.

"I couldn't do it on my own, but --" he was interrupted by the sound of something approaching from behind. On impulse, he shouted.

"RUN!"

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"WHY!?" Roxas cried. "Why?" He tensed at the sound of something moving forward, but he wasn't running. "Zack! Your heart is stronger than this! I believe in you!"

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"Nobody would miss me," he said, more decisively than before, though still emotional and sad.

"No one should miss me," he continued as the something that was approaching sounded closer and closer. It would burst out of the bushes at any moment. Why wasn't Roxas moving?

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Roxas knew those words. Had spoken those words once before when he was in a sadder, lonelier place. And now they were coming out of Zack's mouth and his eyes went wide.

He knew the words to say. That he had ignored and he hoped Zack wouldn't. "That's not true!" Roxas shouted, running up close to Zack. "I would!"

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Zack didn't have a chance to respond. He would have told Roxas not to do that. Not to even remember him. A man-sized dinosaur jumped out of the bushes ahead.

"Run," Zack insisted. He recognized the species. He'd spent a little time studying on the dinosaurs, especially when Austin had recruited a group of people to find a dragon. Raptors. They usually traveled in packs which was probably why this one wasn't attacking yet. He was probably meant to block forward movement while two others would run around the back and cover a retreat.

Zack hadn't meant to get Roxas eaten, just himself.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"But Zack- !" Roxas' protest was cut off by the appearance of a second dinosaur. He could take them just as long as he...

He didn't have a keyblade here!

These weren't heartless and no potions would bring him back if he got struck down. These weren't monsters to conquer; they were monsters to escape!

A few well-aimed kicks, Roxas figured, that would give him an opening and he could get away. But what if Zack didn't come!?

He hesitated, looking to Zack, and the hesitation was his undoing. One of the velociraptors jumped forward, claws sinking into Roxas' arm. He tore his arm away and received a long, bloody stripes across his arm. "NO!" he shouted, kicking it away.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

For a moment, there was a silencing of the voices in his head. He looked back at Roxas. The kid hadn't moved. In his head, he was screaming Cloud's name as the velociraptor attacked. Ahead the other two came into view. Zack drew his Buster sword and waved it menacingly in front of him as he backed up and grabbed Roxas' good arm.

"Do what I do," he said, slowly and diliberately. One of the raptors in front bit at the sword testing it. Zack moved it threateningly toward the creature, barely missing it as it backed away. Slowly Zack backed away parallel to the invisible fence line. He hoped he had paid enough attention to its location during his patrols. Parallel was not going to get them out of this alive.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Roxas nodded, letting Zack pull him along. His left arm stung, blood slipping down from the cuts, but he forced the pain out of his mind and focused on making sure his feet kept moving.

"We need to get out of here!" he shouted, kick again when a raptor kept trying to get close.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Zack nodded, keeping his focus on the two raptors in front of him and slowly positioning himself between the three and backing Roxas at an angle toward the fence line. The two attacked Zack at once, one managing to scratch his arm barely before his sword slashed in their direction as they jumped back again. The third threatening to seize the opportunity, but Zack swung his sword at it as well.

"Roxas, see that big tree," he nodded in the direction of a large tree, a hundred yards or so in the distance. "When I say run, I want you to get to that tree as fast as you can." It was lay several yards outside of the fence line.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Roxas nodded taking note of the tree. "You're coming with me, right?" His voice made it clear he wasn't taking no for an answer. If he couldn't get Zack out with him, running wasn't worth it. He never, never ran out on his friends. They were his strength.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"Right behind you," he said, seriously. His tone left no doubt on his sincerity. Zack continued angling their position around slowly, but it seemed the raptors were cluing in on Zack's plan. It was now or never.

"Run! Run now!" he said. He gave Roxas a few seconds head start before he turned and ran himself. They sprinted to the fence line, the five of them, Zack, Roxas and the three raptors.

If it had been any further, the raptors would have leapt ahead of them and cut them off. They knew where the fence line was and gave up on the chase, angrily calling out as they watched their dinner escape, before back into their part of the jungle. Apparently the fence didn't play fair as far as they were concerned.

Zack collapsed under the tree, relieved that they'd both made it out alive. He'd beat himself up later for failing once again.

"How's your arm?" he asked, without sitting up.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Adrenaline starting to peter out, Roxas dropped into a seated position, inspecting his arm. "Cut up," he said, holding it out to Zack. "But I'll be okay," he promised with a grin.

"No worries!"

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Roxas would live. One life saved that wouldn't be on his conscience.

"It looks like I'll live too," he mumbled into the ground, miserable again.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

Roxas' face fell when he caught the change in Zack's tone. "Come on," he said, pushing himself to his feet and holding out a hand. "Let's just go home."

Had home always seemed this good? Roxas didn't think so, but he was going to make sure to savor having a place that was home, more than just in name.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"Alright," he said with a sigh. It was late and he'd failed twice in one night, not mentioning the pummeling he'd received from Zell.

He took Roxas' offered hand as he rose. "Let's go home," he spoke with resignation. He was actually looking forward to lying on his cot. Rather than walk through the jungle, Zack headed in the direction of the beachline. He was too tired from the day's adventures to trek all the way back through the jungle.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

It had been in a long, roundabout sort of way, but Zack was finally coming home, where he belonged, and Roxas was more than a little relieved.

"I don't know about you," Roxas said, bright and happy yet again, "but I'm ready to get some sleep." It had been a very adventurous day after all.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"I feel like I could sleep for a month," he admitted. He looked down at his left arm where the raptor had almost gotten him. There was another slash on his right arm from Zell. Unconsciously he started taking an injury inventory. He'd definitely have a bruise around his neck if not some rope burn. His wrists were feeling tender from the sword fight with Zell and fending off the raptors. His shoulder would probably have a big bruise from the branch despite his shoulder armor. And he'd have countless more bruises on his chest and stomach from Zell's fist.

"Maybe I'll be able to sleep off my failures too."

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"You're not a failure!" Roxas assured him. He smiled up at Zack. "I'd be toast without you there."

Roxas, himself, was sporting a rather impressive patch of bruises on his abdomen, still tender, from his fight with Zell the other day, in addition to the fresh clawmarks from the dinosaurs.

"We look like hell," he told Zack, oddly cheerful.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"You were only in danger of being toast in the first place because of me," Zack countered, not cheerful in the least.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"That attitude's no good," Roxas insisted, pulling a face. "You have to think positive."

"Anyway," he added, more seriously. "I chose to follow you." And was he glad he had. Zack's darkness seemed to want to cling to him and without a keyblade, there was little Roxas could do besides the old-fashioned methods of cheering someone up.

"We're almost home right?" he yawned. Injuries aside, all he wanted to do was tumble into bed for the next three days in a row.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

"Did you just..." Zack made a face of his own. One of confusion and disbelief.

"..."

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

"Sure did!" Roxas said brightly. "This ship only runs on happy faces!" Never mind they were on good solid land. The same rules had to apply.

[1st-zack.livejournal.com]

Zack didn't reply. He decided not to say anything else until the hut was at least in sight. The walk back would either be a quiet peaceful one or a one-side conversation that Roxas would have with himself.

[oblivions-oath.livejournal.com]

When the hut came into view, Roxas made a happy sound. "I'm ready for sleep, how about you?" he asked, dredging up a last bit of energy to jog toward the hut. Bed at last!

"Hey, Zack," Roxas turned around, waiting for him. "Thanks for saving me."