1st_class_zack: (Scar)
[personal profile] 1st_class_zack
He was spiraling out of control. He had been for the past two days, but the spiral had started going faster and faster downward. He felt himself being pulled in all directions. One moment, he wanted to show Zell who was the better of the two. A final showdown and this time he wouldn't hold back. In the next moment, he was stung by her words. Too deeply wounded to move. And the next moment, that despair was compounded by the Buster sword's legacy. The legacy he'd left in Midgar. All of those people, Angeal, Cloud, Hollander, even Aeris.

'You're a disgrace to SOLDIER,' Angeal's words rang in his head.

'What happened to dreams and honor?' His own voice replied.

'Why did you kill the townspeople? Answer me! Sephiroth!' He'd begged Sephiroth for an answer.

'DEFEND YOURSELF' Angeal had challenged him, daring Zack to kill him.

'I'll remain loyal to SOLDIER. For now,' Sephiroth had warned darkly.

'You are just a shallow illusion,' she'd told him two days ago.

"Am I?" he questioned aloud. He clenched his fist. No. He knew what he was. He was no longer SOLDIER. He was ready to make his choice. He put one foot in front of the other. His determination was unwavering now. Even as the voices continued talking in his head, they had reached an agreement.

As he passed the rec room, he glanced in. The jukebox greeted him as usual, springing to life and playing the end* [from 2:50] of a song. He nodded in agreement and continued on his mission.

He practically ran down the stairs and hurried as fast as he could to the clothes box. It was already past dinner time and would soon be dark. He hoped he'd meet no one on his way and he didn't.

"I've made up my mind," he told it. "I know what I am." He reached out to open the box, but hesitated a moment, fearing it wouldn't ask him the question again. Finally he gathered his confidence again and opened it. The wings were back. Black and white. Two pairs. It had even provided a black leather trench coat.

For a brief a moment, he considered changing his mind. The moment passed as quickly as it had come. Taking off his shoulder armor and then the sleeveless turtle neck of his SOLDIER uniform, he put on the angel wings. It was dramatic and perhaps a bit ridiculous, but he didn't care. He'd wanted those wings and they were his now. Taking the Buster sword, he pierced the trench so the wings could pass through. Carefully yet awkwardly, he managed to get the coat over the wings. Black wings. Lastly he added his shoulder armor. It wasn't an exact copy*, but the effect was the same.

Forget dreams and honor. He was a monster. He created only death and destruction. He laughed derisively at thought of the death and destruction he'd created. "Even my own death."

No smile, though, was on his face. Just an angry scowl. The irony hadn't escaped him. 'To prepare you for your next fight,' Angeal's words echoed again in his mind, spurring him on. He had to do this while he could. Tabula Rasa couldn't become a Second Nibelheim. It was a blank slate, a new start. One he didn't deserve.

As he left the compound, the jukebox started up again. This time the chorus of a song* [minus the Crisis Core comments]. He just shook his head and waved his hand in the direction of the song without looking.

***


Under the cover of dusk, Zack had found a remote and sturdy looking tree. Angeal's voice competed with Sephiroth's and Aeris' voices while his own past speeches all echoed in his head and spurred him forward.

Somehow he'd found some rope. Perhaps it had been in the trench coat, or maybe he'd found it somewhere else. He couldn't quite remember how he'd gotten, but it was fortuitous because he needed it. Looking up at the tree, he found an appropriately sturdy looking branch and an incline. He threw the rope up and tied it off. A noose had already been fashioned.

It was as though he were in a dream or a memory. He didn't feel like he had control of his own body. It was doing things on its own. Though this wasn't heroic, his dream of being a hero had been misguided at best. Heroes, however, weren't the only ones who always died tragically. Sometimes the monster did as well. Closing his eyes, he jumped from the incline...

Unfortunately, dusk might have been the best time for the task Zack had in mind, but it wasn't the best light for judging the sturdiness of the tree. When he jumped, the rope went taunt for a brief moment before the branch simply snapped off. It had obvious damage from rot and decay. Zack landed and slid across the ground with his momentum. The branch followed after him, crashing onto his shoulder armor, his back and the black wing on his right shoulder, breaking it off of the harness entirely.

Zack lay where he'd landed. The physical pain would ease, but he wasn't even competent enough to kill himself.

[ooc external links]

Date: 2009-05-04 03:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
Roxas nodded taking note of the tree. "You're coming with me, right?" His voice made it clear he wasn't taking no for an answer. If he couldn't get Zack out with him, running wasn't worth it. He never, never ran out on his friends. They were his strength.

Date: 2009-05-04 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
"Right behind you," he said, seriously. His tone left no doubt on his sincerity. Zack continued angling their position around slowly, but it seemed the raptors were cluing in on Zack's plan. It was now or never.

"Run! Run now!" he said. He gave Roxas a few seconds head start before he turned and ran himself. They sprinted to the fence line, the five of them, Zack, Roxas and the three raptors.

If it had been any further, the raptors would have leapt ahead of them and cut them off. They knew where the fence line was and gave up on the chase, angrily calling out as they watched their dinner escape, before back into their part of the jungle. Apparently the fence didn't play fair as far as they were concerned.

Zack collapsed under the tree, relieved that they'd both made it out alive. He'd beat himself up later for failing once again.

"How's your arm?" he asked, without sitting up.

Date: 2009-05-04 04:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
Adrenaline starting to peter out, Roxas dropped into a seated position, inspecting his arm. "Cut up," he said, holding it out to Zack. "But I'll be okay," he promised with a grin.

"No worries!"

Date: 2009-05-04 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
Roxas would live. One life saved that wouldn't be on his conscience.

"It looks like I'll live too," he mumbled into the ground, miserable again.

Date: 2009-05-04 05:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
Roxas' face fell when he caught the change in Zack's tone. "Come on," he said, pushing himself to his feet and holding out a hand. "Let's just go home."

Had home always seemed this good? Roxas didn't think so, but he was going to make sure to savor having a place that was home, more than just in name.

Date: 2009-05-04 05:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
"Alright," he said with a sigh. It was late and he'd failed twice in one night, not mentioning the pummeling he'd received from Zell.

He took Roxas' offered hand as he rose. "Let's go home," he spoke with resignation. He was actually looking forward to lying on his cot. Rather than walk through the jungle, Zack headed in the direction of the beachline. He was too tired from the day's adventures to trek all the way back through the jungle.

Date: 2009-05-04 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
It had been in a long, roundabout sort of way, but Zack was finally coming home, where he belonged, and Roxas was more than a little relieved.

"I don't know about you," Roxas said, bright and happy yet again, "but I'm ready to get some sleep." It had been a very adventurous day after all.

Date: 2009-05-04 05:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
"I feel like I could sleep for a month," he admitted. He looked down at his left arm where the raptor had almost gotten him. There was another slash on his right arm from Zell. Unconsciously he started taking an injury inventory. He'd definitely have a bruise around his neck if not some rope burn. His wrists were feeling tender from the sword fight with Zell and fending off the raptors. His shoulder would probably have a big bruise from the branch despite his shoulder armor. And he'd have countless more bruises on his chest and stomach from Zell's fist.

"Maybe I'll be able to sleep off my failures too."

Date: 2009-05-04 05:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
"You're not a failure!" Roxas assured him. He smiled up at Zack. "I'd be toast without you there."

Roxas, himself, was sporting a rather impressive patch of bruises on his abdomen, still tender, from his fight with Zell the other day, in addition to the fresh clawmarks from the dinosaurs.

"We look like hell," he told Zack, oddly cheerful.

Date: 2009-05-04 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
"You were only in danger of being toast in the first place because of me," Zack countered, not cheerful in the least.

Date: 2009-05-04 06:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
"That attitude's no good," Roxas insisted, pulling a face. "You have to think positive."

"Anyway," he added, more seriously. "I chose to follow you." And was he glad he had. Zack's darkness seemed to want to cling to him and without a keyblade, there was little Roxas could do besides the old-fashioned methods of cheering someone up.

"We're almost home right?" he yawned. Injuries aside, all he wanted to do was tumble into bed for the next three days in a row.

Date: 2009-05-04 06:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
"Did you just..." Zack made a face of his own. One of confusion and disbelief.

"..."

Date: 2009-05-04 06:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
"Sure did!" Roxas said brightly. "This ship only runs on happy faces!" Never mind they were on good solid land. The same rules had to apply.

Date: 2009-05-04 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1st-zack.livejournal.com
Zack didn't reply. He decided not to say anything else until the hut was at least in sight. The walk back would either be a quiet peaceful one or a one-side conversation that Roxas would have with himself.

Date: 2009-05-04 06:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oblivions-oath.livejournal.com
When the hut came into view, Roxas made a happy sound. "I'm ready for sleep, how about you?" he asked, dredging up a last bit of energy to jog toward the hut. Bed at last!

"Hey, Zack," Roxas turned around, waiting for him. "Thanks for saving me."

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